btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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