last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
