I smell stomach acid.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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