Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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