did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
