I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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