Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
