we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
