I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
