We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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