I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
