I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
