he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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