he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
