i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
