Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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