Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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