i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I need a beard to bite.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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