do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
