party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
