you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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