"it" just moved
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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