I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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