girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
soo... how was my night?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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