I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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