dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
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