ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
