that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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