She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
