I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize