Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
