Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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