You're my little dorito
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
