So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
