he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
