i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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