I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
