We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
