I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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