i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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