Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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