final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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