We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you never un-have a 4some
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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