My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
