Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
