you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
