I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
