your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
