Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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