omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
