Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
