Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
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