Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
