we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
