i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
