Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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