are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
