carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
