you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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