So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
