I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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