There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
