Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
