Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
