don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
