If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
