I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
