I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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