I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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