She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
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I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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