Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They have beer where we have blood.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
