Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
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Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
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