dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
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Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
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I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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