watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
