I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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