I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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