They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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