Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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